


Here to the Left of You

by nu_breed



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Character Bleed, First Time, Living Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-15
Updated: 2008-10-15
Packaged: 2017-12-08 10:11:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nu_breed/pseuds/nu_breed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen moves in, and things get <i>really</i> complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here to the Left of You

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a ficlet about Jared and Jensen living together, and it turned into somewhat of a monster. Undying thanks to [](http://veronamay.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://veronamay.livejournal.com/)**veronamay** for the beta and braintwin-enabling, and to all the people who acted as cheerleaders.

Jared's never been particularly technique-driven with his approach to acting. Not like Jensen. Jensen's read all the Stanislavsky books, done the Meisner master classes; you name the technique, he's tried it.  
   
Jared's approach is more organic, but he guesses if he were to say he follows any technique per se, it'd be method. Emotional memory always plays a huge part in getting him to where he needs to go, and having someone like Jensen to play opposite, someone who he loves like a brother—well it isn't exactly hard to get to that place time and time again.  
   
It's dangerous, though. Jared has to admit to himself that after more than three years of playing Sam, sometimes he finds it far too difficult to just switch off and remember that Jensen isn't really Dean; that when they fight, it isn't Jared fighting with his best friend, that it's lines on a page and when it's all over, he isn't really hurt by what Jensen's said to him. Because it isn't Jensen.  
   
It used to be easier, but Jared's been having a hard time of it lately, and he doesn't know how to snap out of it.  
   


***

  
   
Jared's sitting in his trailer, tonguing away the remains of his fight make-up from the corner of his mouth when Jensen pokes his head around the door. Fake blood tastes like shit, but he just can't help himself. It's like having a scab that you shouldn't pick at but always, always do. At least if you happen to be Jared Padalecki, that is.  
   
"We've got an hour," Jensen says, flopping down on the sofa. "Kim's conferencing with L.A. Something about rewrites."  
   
"Cool." Jared gets up and wanders over to his fridge to grab a Red Bull. Something about being near Jensen right now makes his skin prickle, makes him want to just get outta there.  
   
"Cool?" Jared isn't looking at Jensen, but he can imagine he's cocking an eyebrow right now. Sometimes Jared wishes he wasn't so transparent. "Dude, isn't this the part where you're s'posed to whine about learning more lines? What gives?'  
   
Jared downs the can in one, two, three gulps and throws it into the trash with perfect aim. He takes a deep breath and turns to face Jensen, leaning against the counter, and not quite looking him in the eyes.  
   
"I'm kinda beat." Jared rubs the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "I think I'm just gonna take a nap."  
   
"Okay," Jensen says softly. "See you in a bit, then."  
   
"Yeah." Jared forces a yawn out, and hopes he isn't being too fucking obvious. He waits till Jensen gets up from the sofa and throws himself down on it, lying there and closing his eyes. When he hears the door snick shut, he gets up and powers on his laptop; checks his emails. There's a new one from Jensen with a picture attached. It's of the two of them from the Soapbox Derby, at the afterparty. Jensen is attempting to smile sweetly for the camera, and ignore the fact that Jared has his nose buried in Jensen's armpit. The text says

 _Gigantor  
   
My mom found this on some fansite. You are a fucking idiot. Do I smell good? I bet I do. Like the Patron we had the night before coming out my pores, right?  
   
JRA.  
   
PS: I'm bored._  
   
Only Jensen would sign emails with every initial of his name. Jared hits the reply button and then he remembers that he's supposed to be asleep, so he shuts the lid on his laptop and sits there trying to will himself out of the funk he's been in since Kim yelled "Cut" nearly half an hour ago.  
   


***

  
   
Jared blows off going to the opening of a new whiskey bar with Jensen Saturday night, opting to stay home with the dogs and pizza and Fight Club on DVD. It's his twentieth rewatch, but who's counting?

When Brad Pitt tells Ed Norton to 'hit me as hard as you can', Jared nearly turns the movie off altogether. It's too close to home now, and he can't help but transplant himself and Jensen there. No. Sam and Dean.  
   
Jared wants to know why this weird fucking disconnect is happening in his head now. Like he's turned into one of Jensen's crazy fans who thinks he's Eric Brady and wants to marry him, or that chick who used to write to him and ask if she could hire Sam and Dean to cleanse her house of angry spirits, or some shit.  
   
It's insane, and he knows it, but Jared hasn't forgiven Dean for hitting Sam. No, that isn't it, either. He hasn't forgiven _Jensen_ for hitting him, even though it was choreographed, even though all Jensen did was clip him a little. They always do it like that, and it's never bothered him before.  
   
Why now?  
   
He's up to the part where Meatloaf dies when Jensen comes home, stumbling up the stairs and reeking of cigarettes and what Jared assumes is really fucking expensive whiskey.  
   
"Whiskey is my friend," Jensen announces to Harley, who bounds towards Jensen and leaps up on him within seconds of Jensen showing his face. "Hear that, boy? _Whiskey_ is my friend, because your Daddy here's a fucking pussy, who'd rather stay home and drool over Brad fucking Pitt than go anywhere with me."  
   
"Dude. You're trashed." Jared pauses the movie, and stands up, stretching his legs. "You weren't even gone that long."  
   
"Three and a bit hours. I bet you stopped the movie when the pizza arrived so you didn't miss anything, right?" Jensen throws himself down on the sofa. "Anyway, not that trashed."  
   
Sometimes Jared thinks Jensen knows him better than he knows himself. Jared can't stand eating and watching anything non-sport related at the same time. He's always petrified he'll miss something, even if he has watched Fight Club enough times to be able to quote entire chunks of dialogue.  
   
"Trashed enough to fucking reek, man." Jared wrinkles his nose. "You smell like a fucking ashtray."  
   
Jensen leans in close and breathes on Jared. Because he can. Because he knows it'll piss Jared off.  
   
It does quite the opposite.  
   
Jared can feel his skin prickle when he feels warm Jensen-breath hit his face, and he knows if he turned just a couple inches to the right, their noses'd be touching, and their lips close enough to—  
   
Oh. Fuck.  
   
Jared wants to kiss Jensen. He wants to kiss him really fucking bad, and that's just awesome. Like his life needed to get any more freaking complicated.  
   
"Uh, you wanna quit infecting me with your second-hand smoke, Jen?" He pulls back a few inches, enough to catch his breath.  
   
"You've been avoiding me." Jensen jabs his finger in Jared's chest, much harder than he probably means to. "Ever since the. Y'know."  
   
And yeah, Jared does know. He knows now why he's been having so many issues turning off his feelings. Why all of a sudden this feels like more than just a job.  
   
He's in love with Jensen. Maybe he has been for a really fucking long time.  
   
"I dunno." Jared looks at the frozen image on the TV screen; at least then he can pretend he's telling Jensen the truth. He wouldn't be able to do that if he looked him square in the eyes. "I guess it's just Sam. It's kinda been hard going lately, y'know?"  
   
Jensen squints at him. "You sound more like me than you, you realise this, right?"  
   
Jared laughs. "Yeah. Hazard of sharing space with you more than I should, I think."  
   
"And because I'm just that awesome." Jensen yawns. "How could you not follow my lead?"  
   
"Whatever." Jared rolls his eyes.  
   
Jensen walks to the kitchen, humming 'Where Is My Mind' under his breath, and comes back with a couple beers. "We gonna watch the end of the movie, Jay? Or you gonna sit there moping like Sam fucking Winchester?"  
   
Jared hits the play button on the remote, and chugs back his beer. He endures a couple of minutes of arguing with Jensen about which one of them is Tyler and which one of them is The Narrator, until Jared mentions that Jensen's smoking habit qualifies him to be Marla instead.  
   
Jensen falls asleep straight after that, his head on Jared's shoulder.  
   


***

  
   
Jared wakes up around 4.00am and manages to somehow ease himself out from under Jensen without waking him, which is really kind of a miracle. He feels wretched; the roof of his mouth's dry as a bone and he's all sticky and sweaty and really needs a shower.  
   
He takes a look back at Jensen, asleep on the couch. He's... God. He's so fucking gorgeous, and Jared doesn't know why he didn't guess what was happening before now. He'd loved Sandy, that's why, but he knows now what she meant by "There's someone else, isn't there?" He'd told her time and time again the "Jared Padalecki's a cheating douche" rumours were a load of bullshit, but she said it wasn't anything to do with that. That it was something else, someone else, and Jared hadn't known what she'd meant. Until now.  
   
Jared grabs a blanket and pillow from his bedroom, and lays the blanket over Jensen. Sticks the pillow behind his head, but he doesn't have the heart to wake him, he looks so fucking content. Jared'd almost be able to convince himself that staring at Jensen, watching him sleep, is out of concern for him. That Jared's making sure he's comfortable, not because he's fixated on how perfect Jensen's face is, or the way his t-shirt clings to his pecs. He might be able to convince himself if it wasn't for the fact that his erection seems to have other ideas.  
   
He doesn't even bother to try and pretend it's just normal morning wood or whatever. Instead, Jared heads to the bathroom and brushes his teeth, strips off and steps under the shower. He soaps up and starts to stroke himself, his hand slippery-slick, and closes his eyes.  
   
Usually when Jared jerks off, he sees Sandy's tits with his dick sliding between them, or Katie riding him while he's sitting in a chair, or Genevieve bent over the arm of his sofa while he fucks her from behind. He doesn't even want to think about why the common pattern is female demons on Supernatural, but well, who knows where his head is at most days.  
   
He hasn't had this particular fantasy for a long time, though: Jared on his knees at his senior prom in his expensive tux while Karl McAllister grabs a fistful of his hair and fucks his mouth. Only when Jared looks up, it isn't Karl, it's Jensen, biting his full bottom lip and moaning as he comes down Jared's throat.  
   
Jared comes quicker than he has in a long time, and stands under the shower until the water runs cold.  
   


***

  
   
Jared's always been a hands-on guy. He knows he has no concept of personal space. Well, that's not strictly true. He knows what it is, he's aware of it; he just doesn't care for it.  
   
He wishes he'd shut his mouth about what'd been wrong after filming the fourth episode, because now whenever they have a particularly grueling scene, a scene where he feels about as distant from Jensen as Sam does from Dean, as soon as Kim or Phil or Bob yell 'Cut!', Jensen is there, ready to shake Jared out of his Samspace and cuddle him into the here and now.  
   
Jensen smells amazing. He always does. Even with the combined scents of nicotine and sweat and make-up, when he has his face pressed into Jared's neck, trying to make him laugh and forget about how difficult the scene they just shot was, that's all Jared can think about. The smell and the feel of Jensen. Right there.  
   
Jared needs to get over this thing. Fast. It's fucking with his head big-time, and he isn't used to feeling like this. Normally when he wants someone, he just pretty much makes it known, and either they laugh in his face, or they throw themselves at him. Since he turned sixteen and his looks went from goofy to otherwise, it's mostly been the latter.  
   
But this is Jensen, and comments about his mancrush on Johnny Depp and how well Zac Efron shakes his "tight little jailbait ass" aside, Jared's never seen him go anywhere near dick. Not to mention the fact that it would be a really fucking bad idea to screw with what they have, regardless of whether Jensen may or may not be interested in guys.  
   
Jared's been there, done that and he really doesn't want another messy break-up with someone he has to face every day. Let alone someone he's living with.  
   
So it's easy enough for Jared to talk himself out of throwing himself at Jensen. Even before the Danneel thing presents itself.  
   
He finds out about it from Chad, which pisses him off more than anything. He and Jensen share _everything_ , and to find out that Jensen is "trying to work things out" with his ex from Chad of all people? It makes Jared angrier than he's been in a long time.  
   
"You need to chill about this," Chad says around a mouthful of food. It's so like Chad to talk on his phone no matter where he is, or what he's doing. Jared's surprised Kenzie hasn't grabbed this one and flushed it down the toilet, too.  
   
"I hate when you do that, man. I'm completely chill."  
   
Chad laughs, "You are the world's _worst_ liar, Jay. And your Ackles crush is getting out of control."  
   
"I don't have a ..." Jared sighs. "Okay, whatever. I just hate when he doesn't tell me shit. It's nothing major."  
   
"No, but major is living in the same fuckin' house as someone and not telling them you want them as bad as Britney Spears wants a hundred dollar bill shoved up her left nostril, right now."  
   
"You're all class." Jared picks at the frayed knee of his jeans. "There's no point telling him.'specially not now."  
   
"You're a fucking pussy and I'm ashamed to know you. It's lucky you could squash me with your inordinately large muscles, or I'd seriously drop your ass."  
   
"Whatever. You love me."  
   
"Yeah, yeah." Chad yawns. "Better go. She's looking at me like she wants me dead, and man she's tiny and blonde, but she's got a mean right hook."  
   
Jared laughs as he hits the end button. Chad always cheers him up; it's refreshing. He's right, though. Jared knows he's a fucking pussy and he hopes more than anything that he can get through this thing with Jensen without it screwing every damn thing up.  
   


***

  
   
"So, uh. Danny's coming up next weekend," Jensen says, picking at the chicken on his plate. "Is it cool if she crashes here?"  
   
Jared just stares at his plate, inhales, exhales, inhales again and looks up. He smiles at Jensen and shrugs his shoulders. "Told you, it's your place now, too. You don't have to ask every time you want to..." Jared stops himself and laughs, once. "You never have to ask."  
   
"Awesome." Jensen grins back at Jared. "I just. Still getting used to this thing, I guess."  
   
"You're not the only one," Jared says, and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. "So. You and Danny, huh?"  
   
"Yeah." Jensen looks up at Jared through his eyelashes and Jared's stomach _twists_. "I guess we thought we had some things to talk about."  
   
"Chad mentioned you guys were trying to work some things out." Jared stands up and walks to the kitchen, pours himself an orange juice. He contemplates putting vodka in it, but he decides that drinking right now would be a really bad fucking idea. Who knows what might come out if he's being completely honest?  
   
Jensen hovers in the door of the kitchen. "I shoulda told you, man, I'm sorry. I guess I didn't because..."  
   
"Hey," Jared cuts in, "it's no problem. Really."  
   
Jensen smiles and it's blinding, and Jared fights the urge to just grab Jensen by the beltloops and pull him in, and show him without words just what's been going through Jared's head these past few months.  
   
He's thankful when Jensen yawns and mumbles something about grabbing some shuteye and heads downstairs to his own place, and Jared feels like he can breathe again.  
   


***

  
   
It's Saturday morning and Jared's on his way back from the store, when he completely zones out and ends up crashing his car into the back of the Toyota Camry in front of him in the parking lot.  
   
His luck really just can't get much better than this.  
   
The woman is really lovely, and accepts his abject apologies and when he gives her his insurance details, asks if he'd mind signing something for her daughter. Maybe his luck isn't so bad after all, he thinks, though his front fender is a fucking mess.  
   
Once the cops have gone, he calls Jensen to get the name of the shop he used last time his truck needed some care and attention. Ivan's Auto Body is on Commercial St, so it isn't too far, and Jensen says it's pretty fair pricewise considering the quality work he got.  
   
The guy at the counter—Scott, according to his name badge–is maybe a couple inches shorter than Jared, with dirty-blond hair teased into spikes and deep brown eyes, and grease smudges on his cheek. Jared thanks the lord for sending him somewhere that he can appreciate the view, and sits down to fill out all the paperwork he's given.  
   
Jared thinks that Scott is the best looking guy he's laid eyes on in a long time (who isn't his roommate, best friend, co-star, and bane of his very existence) and he can't help staring at him, stealing glances whenever he takes a pause in filling out the forms. Scott catches him every time and grins. His smile is the best thing about him, too; it's _blinding_ and has Jared's gut twisting in knots.  
   
"So," Scott takes the paperwork from Jared, gives it a quick scan and looks back up at him, "even TV stars can't escape something as mundane as a fender bender, huh?"  
   
Jared blushes. "How did you... do you watch the show?"  
   
Scott nods. "Never miss it. My little sister got me hooked on it. She's all about Dean. Me, though?" He drops his voice and Jared can almost feel it in his bones. "I like Sam."  
   
Jared swallows, hard. Reminds himself that he's in public, and not really keen to be outed in front of a busy autoshop full of Canadians, but he's a born flirt, and he knows when _he's_ being flirted with, and this guy is coming onto him big-time.  
   
"What are your feelings on the guy who plays him?"  
   
"Oh, he's definitely growing on me." Scott wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, and Jared can't stop staring at it. "Did you maybe want to... Can I call you sometime?"  
   
Jared looks around the shop, whispers, "I have to be really careful. I'm not, y'know. Out. But..." he pauses, "what time do you finish here?" He bites his lip, and tries to ignore how turned on he is right now, how flushed his cheeks are. It feels like months since he's been laid, and he's so wound up over Jensen that he needs it. Just needs to have a good time and forget about Jensen and Danneel and how much make-up sex they're bound to be having right now.  
   
"I get off at six," Scott says, "and don't worry. I'm not either. Out, I mean."  
   
Jared nods. "Okay. Come by my place after." He grins. "You've already got the address, right?"  
   
"Right." Scott beams. He probably thinks all his Sam Winchester fanboy dreams have come true at once. "See you then."  
   


***

  
   
Jensen's car isn't there when Jared gets home, so thankfully Jared doesn't have to sit around and watch the two of them play happy couple. He cracks open a beer, kicks off his sneakers, lies down on the couch and channel surfs.  
   
When he wakes up, he's disoriented. He hadn't even realised he was napping, but when he looks at his watch it's six-thirty and there's a text from Scott saying he's waiting in his car outside.  
   
"I am so sorry." Jared's cheeks are flushed when he lets Scott in through the front door. He dreads to think what his hair looks like after his impromptu nap. "Completely lost track of time and I crashed out. I feel like such a loser." He goes straight to the kitchen and opens the fridge door. "You wanna beer? Or something to eat? Or..."  
   
Scott follows him into the kitchen. He's come straight from work; he's still wearing his coveralls and has grease marks on his face and neck and hands, and Jared kinda wants those hands all over him.  
   
"I don't want anything like that." His voice is low and raspy, and he sounds like Jensen when he's just woken up in the morning, or when he's had too many cigarettes or shots, and Jared knows he shouldn't be thinking about Jensen. Not now. Not when Scott is pushing him up against the kitchen counter, his hands in Jared's hair and kissing him hard.  
   
Jesus. The guy can kiss. It's been a long time since Jared's made out like this, and he gets his hands on Scott's cheeks, holds him there while Jared gets a leg in between Scott's and rubs. Jared's so hard he feels like he might explode before anything happens, and he's relieved when Scott shakes himself free, pulls back.  
   
"Can I?" Scott hooks a finger in one of Jared's beltloops. "I'd really like to fuck you. Do you. Is that?"  
   
"Yeah," Jared whispers, and pulls him back in. "Fuck, yeah."

They don't even make it to the bedroom. Scott has lube and condoms and he fucks Jared face down on the living room carpet with his cheek pressed into the floor, and his jeans around his ankles. It's been a long time since Jared's been with another guy, and even longer since he's been fucked and it hurts like hell and it's _exactly_ what he needs.  
   
The second time they do make it to the bedroom, and Jared lets Scott suck him off before Jared rides him, his hands gripping the iron slats in the headboard for leverage.  
   
Afterward, Jared feels completely shattered. He's sore and sticky with sweat and come, and there's part of him that's thinking this was a really fucking stupid idea: inviting a stranger, a fan no less, into his house so he could... what? Fuck everything Jensen-related out of his brain for one night? But the other parts of him are all pretty grateful.  
   
He collapses next to Scott and pulls him in for a kiss. "You could stay. If you wanted," he breathes into his mouth. "You don't have to go straight away."  
   
"Jayyyyyyyred. You sleeping, man? I need to talk to you."  
   
Jared's sure if Jensen hadn't chosen that precise moment to come to his bedroom door, slightly-drunk and high and God knows what else, he might have been interested in Scott's response. As it is, all he can think about is _fuck_ and _Christ_ and _Oh God, why didn't you leave before Jensen could see you?_  
   
"Uh, Jen? Wanna wait in the lounge? Gimme a minute?" Jared covers himself up with the sheet, looks at Scott and mouths "sorry". His heart's pounding really fucking fast, and he wonders if he can get Jensen outta there before he...  
   
Jensen flops down on the bed, and he isn't focusing too well, but Jared can see the recognition when his eyes flick across to Scott.  
   
"Okay, dude, I know I'm a tad wasted, but why is the guy from the autoshop in bed with you?" Jensen lifts up the sheet an inch and drops it again. "Naked. Okay then. Maybe I'll go wait for you in the living room."  
   
Jensen gets up and stumbles out, shutting the door behind him as he goes. Scott gets up, quickly pulls his clothes back on, mumbles something about calling Jared sometime and he's outta there.  
   
Jared can't really blame him, either. He pulls his jeans on and pads out to the living room on bare feet.  
   
"Empty condom packet on the floor. Classy, Jay. Reeeeeally classy." Jensen is curled up on the sofa like he's about to go to sleep, and he looks so young, so innocent that it makes Jared feel like someone put their hand inside his chest and _squeezed_.  
   
"Was there a reason you decided to come bug me?" Jared mumbles, throwing himself down on the sofa next to him. "Aren't you supposed to be with Danneel?"  
   
"We were at Erica's place and we kinda had a fight. It was pretty awful." Jensen pokes Jared in the side.  
   
"Um. _Ow???!!!_ "  
   
"You never told me you like guys, you asshole."  
   
"You never asked." Jared fake-grins at Jensen. "I dunno, it's never felt like that big a deal. I guess I just kinda forgot to mention it."  
   
Jared stares at the red-wine stain on the sofa; he's careful not to look directly at Jensen. Because even drunk and coked-up or whatever, he still sees way too much. Sometimes Jared thinks Jensen could look inside his head without any effort at all, and Jared's scared to death of what he'd see if he did.  
   
"So how many guys have you..." Jensen smirks, "dated?"  
   
Jared shrugs. "Not that many. A few. This was the first time I've wanted to since Sandy."  
   
And that's so completely, blatantly untrue that Jared can't even believe he's managing to make _Jensen_ believe it. Maybe Chad's wrong about him being a terrible liar. He's been lying to himself for so long he has to be at least a little bit good at it.

"Does it bother you?" Jared asks, half-whispered, like maybe the lack of volume makes it easier to say.

Jensen gives him that look. The "are you serious?" look. The one usually reserved for fans with stupid questions at conventions, and Kim when he tells them that he wants to go for just one more take "because perfection can always be just that little bit more perfect."

"What? I had to ask." Jared shrugs, and Jensen slaps him upside the head. "Dude, you wanna keep the random outbursts of physical violence to a minimum?"

"I'll think about it," Jensen says. "For one thing, I'm pissed you'd think even for a second it'd be a problem. I never cared where you put your dick before, did I?"

"No, but..."

"But what? I don't give a fuck. Hump the entire RCMP for all I care. Actually, that'd be kinda hot."

Jared rolls his eyes and tries to pretend that Jensen saying shit like that doesn't fuck with his head.

"What pisses me off is you're supposed to tell me shit. You're my best friend, man, and I had to find out about this by finding the guy who's fixing your car fixing something else? That's low, dude."

"Yeah." Jared looks up, smiles at Jensen, but it's an empty smile, no warmth in it. "I guess it is. Sorry, man."

Jensen leans forward and touches Jared's collarbone, rubs his thumb across it, and Jared is fighting so hard to not make a noise, not flinch or jump, that his teeth break the skin on the inside of his cheek.  
   
"Bruises," Jensen says, and it sounds like he's talking more to himself than Jared. He touches the side of Jared's neck, and presses, and Jared feels it in his groin like a fucking jolt. "He left lots of bruises on you. You're gonna need make-up."  
   
Sometimes Jared wants to shake Jensen and make him see that he can't just walk around with that stupid face, and live in his house, and be his dogs' best friend, and touch his skin like that. It's not fucking fair, and the worst thing is Jared wouldn't have it any other way.  
   
"I'm just gonna. I'll see you tomorrow, 'kay?"  
   
Jensen snorts. "Don't think you're getting out of this that easy, Padalecki. You owe me big time for keepin' this from me. We're talkin' lobster. And Dom. And I dunno what else, but I'm collecting, I'll tell ya that much."  
   
"Whatever. You're just jealous I get twice as much ass as you." Jared gets up from the sofa, yawns and stretches and by the time he's halfway across the room, Jensen is already asleep.  
   
Jared doesn't get to sleep for hours. His whole body's achy and sore from sex that felt good at the time but now just makes him feel emptier than he was before. He feels like he's burning where Jensen touched him, and the sheets feel wrong against his naked skin.  
   


***

  
   
Jensen is kicking Jared's ass in Madden and Jared's contemplating whether being more stoned would actually make him more or less able to even the playing field. He's also trying to decide whether opening the bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue that Chad bought him as a commiseration gift after Sandy would be the best idea in the world or a giant clusterfuck mistake, given that the last person he probably needs to be drinking with right now is Jensen, when Jensen's phone vibrates and Bruce Willis's voice announces he has a call with "Yippie-Kay-Ay, Motherfucker!"  
   
"You wanna get that?" Jared asks, not taking his eyes off the screen for one second.  
   
"Nah." Jensen is biting his lower lip in concentration. Jared wonders if deep-down he's always found that as appealing as he does now, or whether it's another in a long line of recent Jensenisms that get in his head and fuck with it. "They'll leave a message."  
   
The message, as it turns out is from Danny, and the part that makes Jared decide to open the Johnnie without a second thought is that she's going to be guesting on the season finale. She's playing Lilith, and Jared bites down on any bitchy comments he's just dying to make about that piece of casting.  
   
The worst of it is, he's always _liked_ Danny. She's sweet and funny and hot and she's good for Jensen. But that also makes Jared hate her just a little bit, and he wonders if maybe it always has. They've always had this weird co-dependent thing going on, him and Jen, and Jared was never good at sharing anyway. His mama had always told him that for someone with such a big heart he could be kinda selfish sometimes, and yeah, these days he's more than happy to admit that.  
   
The day he realised that Danny had the ability to make his stomach turn inside out with ridiculous petty envy was the day he realised that this whole thing was far more messy than him just wanting to jump Jensen's bones. Maybe it would've been easier if he'd never invited Jen to move in, but now Jared's so comfortable sharing his space with him that unrequited crush or no unrequited crush, he wouldn't give that up for anything.  
   
So yeah, now he has to share screen time with her as well, and Jensen swears he had mentioned it before, the fact she was testing for it, but Jared knows damn well he would've remembered that particular piece of news.  
   
It's going to be a hell of a tough couple of episodes for Jared. He's got the scene with Jensen where Dean and Sam fight about him using his powers against Lilith. Dean's against it of course, but Sam walks out on him and finds Lilith standing in the middle of a sea of dead bodies. The episode ends with a massive fight scene between the two of them after Dean walks in and Lilith stabs him with Ruby's knife, leaving him bleeding onto the sixty-sixth seal as Sam slams her against the wall and his eyes turn yellow.  
   
"One hell of a cliffhanger," Jensen whistles through his teeth and rubs at his bottom lip. "So what say next season _you_ die again? My mama's only just recovered from the last time she had to watch me with goddamn meathooks through my shoulders."  
   
"You do your best work when you're a corpse."  
   
Jensen flips him off. "So I'm thinking it's lame Dean hitting Sam again. You wanna roll with it and see if we can't improv it some? See what they think of that?"  
   
Jared shrugs. He's had a few drinks now, and he's feeling very nicely buzzed. Warm. He's up for whatever, and they start running lines, just next to each other on the sofa. Jensen's never been the sit-still type when he's "in the moment" though, and he gets up and strides Dean like over to the opposite wall.  
   
Jared follows him, and they end up on the floor, Jensen above him straddling his waist. Jared tries really hard to focus on Sam and Dean and not the fact that if he moved just a little, their cocks'd be lined up perfectly.  
   
"You go to her, you may as well sign your soul over to hell, little brother." Jensen's voice is so different when he's Dean; it's growly and low and Jared can almost feel it vibrate.  
   
"Let me up, Dean. I mean it, if you don't let me up I will _make_ you."  
   
"You don't scare me, Sam." Jensen gets up off of him, and Jared gets himself to his feet, slow and careful, not taking his eyes off Jensen for one minute.  
   
That's when Jensen grabs him by the collar of his shirt and slams him into the wall behind them. He's holding Jared there, and his mouth is inches away from Jared spitting out words about Sam and how if he leaves now, that's it, they're done; Jensen's thigh is between his and Jared is so fucking hard. He can't help himself, doesn't even think about the consequences, he just turns his head and brushes his lips against Jensen's.  
   
Later on, he'll swear it was Sam who made him do it, but for now this feels like it's all his choice and for once he allows himself to forget that anything like this is a really bad fucking idea, and one he's going to regret in... probably ten seconds. But he has to do it, has to reach out and grab Jensen by the arms and hold him there while he kisses him with a soft brush of lips.  
   
"Fuck," Jensen breathes into his mouth, and Jared should stop this, but he isn't that strong.  
   
Jensen gets his hands in Jared's hair and holds him in place, firm and still before he covers Jared's mouth with his, and sucks on Jared's bottom lip. Jared moans, and drops his hands to Jensen's ass, pulls him in and rubs him against Jared's cock.  
   
"What the fuck is happening?" Jensen gets out between kisses, and that's what makes Jared jump back, push Jensen away at the same time.  
   
"Fuck. Fuck, I'm sorry." They're both breathing hard, and Jared's shaking his head. "That's. Uh. Not what I meant to happen."  
   
Jensen laughs. "No fuckin' kidding. Not the improv I was thinking of, but."  
   
Jensen doesn't _look_ like he's freaking out, but Jared knows him. He's all composure and smirk on the outside and on the inside he's probably going through his own version of straight man's panic. It's one thing getting caught up in the moment like that; hell, Jared was pretty damn caught up in it too, and not even thinking about the fact that it was possibly the worst thing that could have ever happened. It's quite another thing though, when you realise you're slammed up against a wall, making out with your somewhat bent best friend.  
   
Jensen just can't be okay with this. No way, no how.  
   
"Yeah, so. Uh. I'm gonna go." Jared doesn't even hear if Jensen says anything after that, doesn't focus on anything but getting to his bedroom as fast as possible, before stripping off and stepping under the heat of the shower.  
   
He jerks off with the spray hitting his face, his hand fisting himself rough and fast and getting himself off in record time while thinking about how soft and perfect Jensen's mouth felt on his. 

***

The next morning, Jared gets up and takes the dogs for a run. It's a crisp, bright day, and he feels like this is just what he needed, time out from Jensen, time out from having him _there_ , in his face. Because no matter how much space Jensen gives him, Jared feels like he's drowning nonetheless.

And last night. God. How the fuck is he going to explain his way out of that one? He just hopes he hasn't fucked everything to hell and back.

Jensen hasn't surfaced by the time Jared gets back. They've both got a late start today, night filming, and Jensen sure does love his sleep when he gets the chance to have it. Jared's never seen someone with the uncanny ability to fall asleep anywhere, at any time, like Jensen can. It's like controlled narcolepsy, and after years of it, it still never ceases to amaze Jared that Jensen can just go out like a fucking light, but he's always awake and ready to go as soon as someone taps him on the shoulder.

He works out for a bit, abs and legs and ten minutes on the rowing machine to finish off, and by the time he's done he's exhausted, sweat trickling down his forehead and gathering in the hollow of his throat. He can feel the burn in his muscles too, and that's good, he needs that today. It makes him focused and takes the edge off of everything else that's running through his head.

He doesn't shower yet, he's too hungry for that, and he walks to the kitchen in his sweats. He fixes himself a huge bowl of Special K with milk, and brews a large pot of coffee. He's still slicing bananas when Jensen walks in, yawning and stretching and going straight for the fridge.

"I think I liked it better when you ate shit like me." Jensen pours himself a glass of orange juice, and knocks it back. "This health thing on you is kinda weird."

"You're just jealous because my body's more impressive than yours. You waaaaaant it," Jared coos, and then wants to get the knife he's just used for the bananas and stab himself in the eye with it. They've always said this sort of shit to each other, and it's so easy sometimes for Jared to forget that flirting with Jensen is the last thing he needs if he wants to hang onto anything resembling his sanity.

Jensen is just looking at him, staring, his brow furrowed in concentration. "So, are we going to ignore the obvious elephant in the room, Jay?"

"Huh?" He takes a large spoonful of cereal and shovels it into his mouth, because then at least he won't be tempted to say anything stupid. For at least two or three seconds, anyway. "Don't have an elephant. Have two dogs though, you may've seen 'em, kinda big, drool a lot. An elephant'd be cool, though."

"Hilarious."

"I try."

"So we're just not gonna talk about this, huh?" Jensen grabs two mugs from the dishwasher, and pours himself and Jared cups of coffee. "Just pretend it never happened?"

Jared takes his bowl and his own coffee and sits down at the dining room table. He mentally rephrases what he really wants to say three or four times until he gives up and just shrugs.

"Oh, I see." Jensen follows Jared out to the dining room, sits down opposite and starts sipping at his coffee. Black, of course. Black coffee for breakfast. He'll have a cigarette soon. Jensen is the ultimate actor cliché. "Just going to deflect my attempts at actual, meaningful conversation with humour, are we? Awesome."

"'We' don't think it warrants a discussion," Jared grimaces when he sips at his coffee; it's bitter and thick and he grabs a couple of packets of sugar from the kitchen in the hope the sugar'll make it settle better in his belly.

He sits back down at the table, stirring his coffee. "Look, it was just this weird thing that happened, y'know." He pauses to taste it. Much better, less like sludge and more like something he can _actually_ stomach. "And it doesn't mean anything, so let's not make it a big deal. Unless it's one for you?"

"Nah." Jensen purses his lips and shrugs. "Like you said, not a big deal. Didn't mean anything."

"So we're cool?" Jared says around a mouthful. "Do we need to hug it out or anything?"

"We're good." Jensen nods, and he sounds like he wants to say something else, but he doesn't, just sits there sipping at his coffee and humming Tim McGraw under his breath.

***

"Dean? Dean. Come on now. Wake the hell up! You can't do this, I'm not. Not again, okay? I."

"Cut!"

Jared groans. He's had some shit days filming, but this has to be the worst he can remember in a long time. Nothing's working, it's like he just can't get there. He's.

"You're detached," Kim snaps at him. He's getting irritated, and Jared can't blame him, but no-one's as irritated as he is with himself right now. It's Jensen. It's gotta be, and he's tried and tried to switch his brain off, but he just can't do it. Fuck. It's not supposed to be this hard.

"Breaking for dinner," Meghan yells.

"Can't wait to get this thing off." Jensen grimaces and lifts his shirt away from him. It's soaked in fake blood, and Jared would sympathise if not for the fact that all he cares about right now is getting the hell away from Jensen, going to his trailer and trying to make sure he can pull this one out of the fucking bag when they get back from dinner.

"See you in a bit," Jared mumbles and heads for his trailer. He takes his boots off, and lies on the sofa, thumbs rubbing his temples. He's got one hell of a headache, and he'd contemplate taking a couple of Excedrin if they weren't so fucking far away.

Five minutes later, Jensen is standing in his doorway with a plate piled high with food.

"Man, it's not that I don't appreciate it, but I really need alone time right now." Jared stands up and takes the plate from Jensen's hand, puts it on the table next to his laptop. "Thanks for the food. I'll see ya in a bit, 'kay?"

"No."

Jared laughs, just once. "I'm sorry? I coulda sworn you said 'No'."

"I did. You've been distant for _weeks_ ,man. Months even, if we're gonna be honest, and you need to tell me what the fuck's wrong. Is it the living together thing? Is that it?"

"I don't wanna talk about this." Jared turns away from Jensen, rubs at his temples again.

"Well, you're gonna." Jensen is pissed. Jensen is pissed like Jared's only really seen him a handful of times in the years he's known him. "This is screwin' things up big-time, Jared, and you gotta tell me what's wrong. You told me once you could tell me anything, so what gives?"

"I can't." Jared can't look at Jensen. "Not this, okay? Just."

Jensen grabs him then. One hand fisting his hair, and pulls Jared's head down. He kisses him hard and frantic, and Jared doesn't even have time to react to the fact that his brain's yelling at him "Jensen's tongue is in your mouth, what the fuck?" because Jensen is pulling away from him.

"So," Jensen says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Didn't mean anything, huh?"

"Fuck you," Jared manages to get out between gritted teeth. "Why'd you have to push me? Just... fuck you, Jensen. This isn't a game."

There's a knock on Jared's trailer door and Meghan's standing there telling them they've got five minutes.

Jared has no problem nailing the scene this time, and when Kim yells "Cut" this time, the crew bursts into simultaneous applause.

"That was fucking _amazing_." Danny hugs him and if he flinches, it doesn't seem like she notices.

Jensen doesn't say anything to him, just grabs Danny from behind and kisses her neck, and Jared's chest aches with it.

"So... wrap party?" Danny asks. "I've gotta be up early for my flight, so I can drive?"

"I'll, uh. I'll see you guys there," Jared stammers. "That was a tough scene, and I kinda wanna unwind a bit first." He turns around and looks Jensen in the eyes. "On my own."

"Sure," Jensen says, pressing his face into Danny's neck. "See you there."

Jared snorts and heads for his trailer, not wanting to watch this little scene for second more than he has to.

***

By the time Jared gets to _Crush_ , the party's in full swing and everybody's tanked. It's like a wall of heat and sweat and alcohol, and maybe this is exactly what he needs; just to get fucked up and have some fun, forget about all the crap he's been going through with Jensen and work and enjoy himself for a change.

It'd taken him so long to get his shit together—in other words: shower, cleanse and tone and moisturise that thick, greasy make-up off. Then there was the half hour he'd spent sitting on the sofa obsessing, calling Katie, listening to her calling him a "stubborn shithead who needs to grow some balls" and obsessing some more, until he bit the bullet and left for the club.

The VIP bar's packed with people and Jared recognises probably only about half of them, which means that probably only about half of them work on the show, and the rest are hangers on, or wives and husbands and girlfriends and boyfriends.

And he'd been doing so well. That was maybe five minutes of non-Jensen related thought. Alcohol is definitely in order.

Misha is sitting on a barstool doing tequila shots when he gets to the front of the line. Jared waves to him, and Misha pats the empty stool next to him. It's not like Jensen's anywhere to be seen, so Jared may as well hang out with Misha; he's a cool guy, great sense of humour, cute and it's definitely not a trial to spend time chatting to him.

Two minutes.

Three shots down and Jared's already well on his way to hammered. He doesn't know what it is about tequila. Anything else he can drink for hours and not be even close to trashed, but tequila? Renders him useless every time.

"Where's Jensen?" Misha yells over the combined noise of the DJ and the multitudes of people talking so loud and fast they sound like a bunch of chattering monkeys.

"Dunno."

"You two have a fight?" Misha asks, licking the lime juice from his fingers. Jared tries not to look, but that's. Yeah. He's human.

"Everyone keeps asking that," Jared slurs and licks his hand, slow and gratuitous and leans in a little closer. "We're not married, y'know."

"Yeah, well, maybe not." Misha grins wide, shakes salt on Jared's hand and leans in close enough for Jared to feel warm breath on his face. "But I am."

"That's a shame," Jared says, mouth curling into a smirk.

"Isn't it though?" Jared jumps back reflexively when he hears Jensen's voice behind them. He feels like he's just been caught doing something he shouldn't, and he's kinda embarrassed, somewhat surprised and more than a little turned on.

"Hey, Jensen." Misha stands up to greet him and Jared watches as the two of them slap palms. "You want a shot?"

"Why not?" Jensen's not even looking at Jared, but Jared swears he can feel the weight of his gaze, anyhow. Jensen's temper is ice-cold and it lasts for what seems like forever. Jared's different, he yells and slams doors and throws shit, but ten minutes later he's over it. Jensen's still obviously not over whatever it was that happened earlier, and it's going to feel like a really long night if Jensen keeps this up.

"I sure hope I wasn't interrupting anything," Jensen says, staring at Jared as he knocks his shot back and sucks on the lime wedge. "You two looked like you were deep in conversation about something important."

Jensen's tone could cut glass, and if Jared didn't know better, he'd say he was jealous. Which would make no sense whatsoever, but who the fuck knows how the guy's head works sometimes. Even when you know Jensen well he pulls shit like this and makes it impossible to read him. Which is like changing the rules partway through the game.

"We were just..." Jared glares at Jensen, "hanging out."

"Well that's nice," Jensen grates out, and for a second Jared forgets it's Jensen and not Dean who's standing there, in the middle of him and Misha. "'Scuse us for a bit, will ya, Misha? Jared and I have some things to talk about."

Jensen grabs Jared's arm and drags him to the men's bathroom. Jared shakes his arm free when they get inside, and stands with his back against the wall, staring at himself in the mirror over the sinks.

"I would've come with you, y'know. Didn't have to manhandle me."

"Sorry," Jensen says flatly. "It just looked like you were having such a good time, I thought you might not be interested in talking to _me_."

"You... what?" Jared's struggling to make sense of whatever Jensen's trying to allude to with his tequila-fuzzy brain and it just isn't happening. "We were just _talking_. And besides, since when do you care who I... Jesus, Jen. Are you jealous?"

Jensen doesn't say anything. Just turns his head like he's trying to avoid Jared's stare.

"Okay, this is... This doesn't even make _sense_ , man. You wanted to push me into talking. I get that, I've been a dick lately, but why did you..."

"Kiss you?" Jensen looks at him then, holds his gaze with those sharp fucking green eyes and that just isn't _fair_ , dammit. "I've kinda... Ah, fuck this pussying around, Jay. I've wanted to for _months_ , and you have too. I'm not fuckin' blind."

Jared feels like something just dropped out from under him. The floor, his stomach, his legs, something. He thinks this is what true fucking shock feels like.

"I'm sorry, are you _high?_ " He tried to keep the waver out of his voice, but it doesn't work, and he thinks he sounds probably somewhere like a cross between a howler monkey and a kid with his voice breaking. "You. You're not. You have a. Uh, Danny?"

"Had. Just like you had a Sandy, am I right? Danny and I. We've been just friends for weeks now."

Jensen inches closer, but Jared puts his hand up, stops him from coming any further.

"I'm sorry I was an asshole," Jensen says, soft, almost inaudible. "I was trying to..."

"Push me. I get it. But Jensen, this is." Jared drops his hand, and exhales long and slow through his nose. "This is a lot for me to take in. I mean... you're straight."

Jensen arches an eyebrow.

"You're not?"

"Dude. You really need to work on your gaydar. I think it might be broken."

"I'll remember that." Jared looks up at Jensen from under his bangs. "so now what?"

Jensen grins. "I. Don't know. I've never moved in with someone and then wanted them before; it's kinda usually the other way around." He pauses. "Though I'm pretty sure it was anyway, right?"

"Yeah. I think so." Jared wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Don't do that," Jensen growls, and when Jared looks at him as if to say "what'd I do?", he puts his hand on the back of Jared's neck, and pulls him in.

The first and second times they kissed it felt wrong, one-sided somehow, but this is different. Jared finally feels like he can let go, like he doesn't have to hold back, and he doesn't. He gets his hands on Jensen's waist and holds him there tight while he brushes his lips against Jensen's and moans into his warm, open mouth as Jared pushes his tongue in, sliding against Jensen's tongue and tasting every inch.

Jared's hips are flush against Jensen's and he can feel how hard he is, cock pushing against the seam of his jeans.

"We should." Jared steps back a little, wiping his mouth again, and Jensen looks at him like he wants to _eat_ him. He makes for the nearest empty bathroom cubicle, and Jensen follows, locks the door behind him.

"I want." Jared starts, and drops his gaze to Jensen's cock. "Wanna taste you, Jen. Been dreamin' about it for months. Is that okay?"

"More than fucking okay," Jensen says, his voice raspy on every syllable. He thumbs open the buttons on his jeans and Jared drops to his knees. "Been dreamin' about this, Jay? God. Wanna watch you do it. Look so good on your knees."

Jared's lost count of the number of times he's thought, dreamed, and fantasised about this. It's totally surreal, and if he thinks about it too hard he'll probably freak the hell out, so he doesn't. He pulls Jensen's jeans down to his thighs and mouths his cock through his boxer-briefs. Jensen moans, low and guttural in his throat and that's all the encouragement Jared needs. He knows he's fucking good at this, and he pulls Jensen's underwear down so he's naked from the waist down.

Jensen's cock is perfect. Thick and hot and Jared licks up the entire length, slow and careful from the tip to the base, taste of bitter precome and sweat and _Jensen_ and just the thought of that is enough to drive Jared fucking wild. He groans as Jensen holds it there for him, perfect angle so that Jared can move forward, taking Jensen's cock into his mouth, one hot inch at a time.

This is. It's so fucking good, his forehead pressed against Jensen's belly which is slippery with sweat, and when he draws back, letting Jensen slide out of his mouth, he makes sure his tongue is out and licks the underside as he's moving back.

He pauses, looks up and grins, Jensen looks fucking debauched already. His head's thrown back against the wall of the cubicle, and he's sweating bullets, his teeth worrying his lower lip and his hands clenched at his sides.

Jared grabs one of Jensen's hands and puts it on the back of his head, grates out, "You don't have to be gentle, you know. I can take it. I... kinda like it rough."

"I bet you do," Jensen half-whispers, and he puts his other hand on the back of Jared's head. "If that's how you want it? That's how you'll get it."

Jensen pushes Jared forward and starts to thrust in and out, slow at first, but yeah, Jensen's hips are about as talented as the rest of him, and Jared relaxes his jaw, lets Jensen just take his mouth the way he wants to, the way Jared wants him to. Jensen's gripping Jared by the hair, just holding him in place and it's _almost_ painful, but so fucking good.

"Yeah. Fuck. Just like that," Jensen moans. "Love it, don't you?"

Jared can feel the ache in his jaw, can feel his eyes water every time Jensen hits the back of his throat and he's so fucking turned on, his own cock throbbing with want as Jensen fucks his mouth. Jensen's close, Jared can tell by the way his fingers tighten in Jared's hair, the way he's growling out filth, the speed at which his hips are grinding back and forth.

Jensen gasps out a warning, but Jared doesn't move, just lets Jensen groan and writhe and come down his throat until there's nothing left. Jared pulls back, lets Jensen's cock slip out of his mouth, slow, inch by inch watching Jensen's face the entire time.

"God." Jensen still sounds out of breath. "You're unbelievable."

Jared smirks, then wipes his mouth with his hand again. Slow, deliberate, and Jensen grabs him, pulls him up and spins them around so Jared's the one against the wall.

"I told you," Jensen growls, "not." He scrapes his teeth down the side of Jared's neck, "To. Do. That."

"You should know me by now," Jared laughs. "I never do as I'm told."

Jensen rubs his palm up and down the crotch of Jared's jeans. "Might just have to make you."

Jared grins, as if anything Jensen is saying is in any way a deterrent. He thrusts forward, tries to rub himself against Jensen's hand, but Jensen just chuckles and pulls his hand away.

"It's not nice to tease," Jared says, breath hitched and his voice uneven.

"Oh, didn't you get the memo?" Jensen nips at Jared's jaw. "I'm not nice."

"Oh my God, you so think you're Dean Winchester," Jared says. "You're just lucky I think he's hot."

Jensen looks like he's trying for his best offended look, but he's grinning like crazy. "You know, if I was really going for Dean, I'd tell you that I wasn't going to touch you now, that I'd wait till I get you back to my room, and then I'd fuck you so hard you wouldn't even remember your own name."

Jared chokes.

"And y'know, Dean's approach is pretty awesome," Jensen brushes Jared's lips with his, "but I can go one better. I'm going to take you home. To your place. To _our_ place. We've got all night."

That more than anything makes Jared's stomach burn with want, and makes him want to get the two of them outta there as soon as possible.

It takes them fifteen minutes to say a quick farewell to everyone, thank them all for their hard work and hug and kiss and promise to call, and the whole time, they never take their eyes off each other. Jared doesn't think he's ever felt need like this, like it has him gripped by the fucking throat; he thought he had before, but this is _mutual_ and it feels like a fucking fever.

He can't believe they manage to make it back to his place in one piece. He makes Jensen drive, and the whole way home Jensen has one hand on the wheel and the other on Jared's thigh, squeezing, rubbing, mere inches away from his cock, but never quite touching him there.

They barely make it inside the door before Jensen has Jared pushed up against it, pulling his shirt up, and sinking to his knees to mouth at the skin he's exposed.

Jensen's mouth is warm and wet and perfect, and Jared gets his shirt off and holds Jensen there, groaning as he sinks his teeth in.

"Fuck me," Jared says, tilting Jensen's head back so Jensen can see how much Jared wants this. Jensen's eyes are dark and Jared knows his eyes probably look exactly the same, thick with need and want. "Want you to. Wanted you to for God knows how long."

Jensen stands up, his eyes flicking over Jared. "God. You're something else." He trails a finger down between Jared's pectorals until he reaches the waistband of Jared's jeans. "I kinda want to lick every inch of you. Your skin, God, there's so much of it."

Jared whimpers when Jensen lowers his head, and flicks his tongue across a nipple.

"But yeah, gonna fuck you. In every room, on every fucking surface, Jay."

Jared can't help but shiver, and he wants to just yell "Get to it already!" but Jensen's already walking towards Jared's bedroom. Jared follows, unbuttoning his pants and throwing all his clothes, underwear and boots in a big pile near his bedroom door.

"Yeah," Jensen breathes. "Knew you'd look amazing. Fucking perfect."

Jared inhales sharply when Jensen thumbs the head of Jared's cock, and sits down on the side of the bed. He watches Jensen as he gets undressed, and God, he's gorgeous, all smooth lines and pale skin, and he can hardly stand to look away as Jensen opens his drawer and pulls out condoms and his bottle of lube.

Jensen coats his fingers with lube, and Jared lies back, spreads his legs.

"Do you know? Do you have any fucking _idea_ how much it drove me fucking crazy to know that guy'd fucked you in the living room? In this _bed_? God, I just wanted to hold you down and," he shoves two fingers in, and Jared fucking keens, his hips lifting up from the bed, "do this. Make you forget all about him, cover his bruises up with mine."

"Jesus." Jared can feel Jensen's fingers moving inside him, slow and deep, and he can't stop fucking _writhing_. "Never. Ungh. Stopped thinking of you. Not once." Jensen's fingers _drag_ over that sweet fucking spot inside him and he wants it all, wants more, wants _Jensen_ inside him.

"Need. Fuck. Need _you_ ," he says, out loud this time.

Jensen's fumbling with the condom packet, ripping it open. "Let me," Jared says, deep and broken, and he hates the taste of rubber every time he does this, but fucked if he's not doing it for Jensen. He puts the condom inside his mouth, and rolls it onto Jensen, as much as he can manage with his tongue, finishes the rest with his hand, rolling it to the base of Jensen's cock.

"You're. God. Fucking filthy," Jensen pants out, with an enormous grin on his face. "Shoulda known you'd be a giant slut."

Jared moves to grab the lube, but Jensen holds it out of his reach. "Yeah, you do that, and it's all over. Trust me. You wanna get fucked or not?"

Jared laughs, spreads his legs even wider and starts jacking himself, "I'd say that's a definite yes. So hurry up and do it."

"Yeah." Jensen's gaze is locked on Jared's hand. "You just keep giving me a show like that, I'll do whatever you want, Jared. Jesus."

Jensen lifts Jared's legs up, gets them over his shoulders and pushes. In. Slow and easy, till he's all the way in, and then in just a little more. Fuck, that's really fucking deep and it feels so damn good. Jensen starts to withdraw again, and Jared moves with him, grinds his hips forward when he pulls nearly all the way out, and back when he slams in again, deeper this time.

God, Jensen feels fucking amazing. Jared loves being fucked, loves to have his ass full like this, but it's more than that. It's more than the feel of a cock moving in and out of his ass, owning it like this.

It's knowing it's _Jensen_ that is driving him absolutely fucking wild. Jared's fisting himself hard and rough, and he can't hold off, wants to, wants to make this last as long as he can. But Jensen feels so good, and he has one hand in Jared's hair, holding him there so that every time he thrusts forward, he sucks Jared's tongue into his mouth, kisses him frantic and wet and oh-so-fucking-good. One, two more strokes and it's over; he arches up, back bowed and comes all over his chest, and stomach, and chin.

"Jesus _fuck_ ," Jensen groans, and he's slamming into Jared now, faster, harder, like the world's going to end if he doesn't do this. Jensen's breathing's more hitched now, broken, erratic and he's grinding out words like they don't mean anything, like they're just strung together, and Jared can feel Jensen push in one more time, so deep it _hurts_ and Jensen's coming, short, hard pulses inside him.

"God," Jensen breathes out, and licks Jared's come from his skin, and that's just so ridiculously fucking hot that Jared can't even process it. He can feel his cock twitch, and he wonders with Jensen around whether the words 'recovery period' will ever mean the same thing again.

"So. Uh. That didn't suck," Jensen says, and the two of them start laughing, stupidly, just like the times they get the giggles on set.

"Yeah. I. Wow." Jared covers his eyes with his hands, he can't even _think_ let alone string together meaningful sentences.

"Oh, my God. If I'd known all I had to do to shut you the hell up was fuck your brains out, I would've done it _months_ ago."

Jared flips him off. It's good to know he just had sex with his best friend, and really, nothing's changed at all.

***

Jared wakes with Jensen wrapped around him, and Harley and Sadie scratching on the bedroom door.

He gets up, wraps a towel around his hips, and has his hand on the doorknob when Jensen's voice stops him.

"You weren't going to leave me here, without so much as a promise to call, were you? I feel kinda cheap."

"You are." Jared grins. "Anyway, you live downstairs. If you wanna stalk me, it won't be that hard."

"Oh _I'm_ the stalker? Whatever, dude. I bet you've got a notebook somewhere with JA plus JP equals love on it somewhere."

"Nah, but I did vote for you thirty times on After Elton dot Com, does that count?"

"I. May have jerked off to your TV Guide shoot." Jensen blushes, and even his freckles turn red. Jared thinks it's maybe the most adorable thing he's ever seen.

"That's..."

"Sad? Pathetic?"

"I was going to say hot."

Jared opens the door, and the dogs practically bowl him over, panting and barking. Sadie jumps up on the bed and licks Jensen's face. Jared wonders if this was always going to happen; he's not a big believer in destiny, he thinks you make your own fucking destiny, no matter what the good book says.

But this? This feels like it's just been there, under his nose, like it was meant to be even after all those times he thought it was never even a possibility.

Jensen has Sadie's paws in his hands, and his hair's all sleep mussed. There are bruises on his collarbone and his neck, and Jared can't stop staring.

"I'm trying to work out who's hotter," Jensen jokes, "you, or Sam Winchester. See, he has the psychic powers, and the emo hair, and he's got that whole Prince of Hell thing goin' on, and I mean really, at the end of the day, what does Jared Padalecki have?"

"He's got you."

And not even Jensen fucking Ackles can argue with that.

 

 

the end


End file.
